It’s supposed to get down to 34 degrees tonight with the wind chill factor (ps, when I was a kid, I always thought they were talking about the “windshield factory” and never understood why it was colder there) but my garden should do fine still. It’s been raining for two days and it will remain drizzly all night. The rain is actually preventing the cold from doing any damage. If it was dry, the frost would hit and kill em’ all. But, now I don’t even need to cover. We’re good to go – I have too many tomatoes and peppers out there yet to enjoy. I had two ‘maters for breakfast today.
I’m thinking about going up to the UP one more time before the season becomes too over bearingly cold; even if it’s just one night. The nights have been right around freezing. With a proper fire and some warm clothes, maybe a tottie, I should be just fine. I’ve since had my rainfly repaired as well and it should be able to handle the rain. I’ll just breathe real hard to keep it warm in there. After last spring’s adventure up there, I should be able to swing a night of 33 degrees and rain no problem.
That piece of land is probably the best place I have for freeing my thought processes. Whenever I get in a funk and need to get away, that place provides me with everything I need. After 48 hours alone there I am recharged and ready to get back to society and dive back into the world in front of me. I feel I am approaching one of those stages where I need a recharge. It’s been an interesting few weeks, but I mostly want to get up there one last time because we’re vastly approaching the time of year where that world is cut off, and I’m stuck away from the type of outdoors that recharges me. Nothing does it better for me than sitting on that rocky beach, and staring in to the nothingness of Lake Huron.
I have a lot to think about. Where do I go from here? How did I get here? What’s my next step? I have been working all summer at answering those questions and coming up with solutions and means – not seeming to really come up with something solid – but little by little I am progressing and becoming that thing I’ve always wanted to be. But I don’t know how to define it. It, in fact, may not be definable.
I met a young woman last weekend that also has high aspirations for architectural and interior design work. Her slate is much cleaner than I and her goals are high. We chatted for a little while and I told her all summer I’ve been working on “finding myself” (phrase used very lightly) and trying to purposely destroy what I was before and become what I was supposed to be. She immediately questioned how I could do that while being married at the same time.
“If you’re still trying to figure out who you are based on this past professional life you had, how could you have known you were ready for marriage? Isn’t that unfair to her? To you? What if you find yourself and she isn’t it? Or you become something she doesn’t want?”
Those quotes are a mixture of what she said and what I interpreted she was trying to convey to me. I gave her a quick response about having a strong support staff all around me, in my home (wife) and with my friends and I sort of blew her thoughts off and continued the conversation. But her words have continued on with me. It’s five days later and I’m still sitting here thinking about her reaction and words. It left an impression.
My wife supports everything I do and has since day one. She knows where I stand at all times and knew my goals and aspirations before we ever were seriously dating. She is why I am taking the route I am right now. She is the one who told me to go out and be myself, and not to rush into anything because I’ll end up with the same bullshit I was in before. She is the one who continually lets me be me, but keeps me in check. I am me, because of her. End of story.
I’m still thinking about those words from that young lady, but not out of question of me, but of question of her. I can only relate her non-understanding as age and life experience. Though I only met her that day and knew very little about her – I feel as though I knew her thoughts. Seven years ago when I was her age I was renting out some guy’s basement trying to figure out what my next steps were and where I needed to go to get there. She, on the other hand took a step that I am envious of. She, also fellow Michigander like myself, left. She got out of dodge. She went to where she needed to be in order to make her future work. We all talk about doing it, but not many of us have the courage to follow through with it. She did, and I think that’s why she called me out. She’s braver than I. We might be on the same path, but we are two very different levels of that path.
Which leads me back to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and my own private 100 feet of Lake Huron lakeshore. My water’s edge is the same as her water’s edge – except hers is the Pacific. I can get to mine in a 4.5 hour drive, mentally escape, and come back to reality recharged in a few days time. Hers is permanent (until further notice). Hers is on a sunny beach with a nice salt spray coming off the water. Mine is in a tent staring at the stars through the trees, sitting by the fire with my dog laying next to me, or watching the waves crash on the rocks and get lost in the thoughts they create.
I wish her the best in her path and hope she’s able to get to that next step. I’d love to continue that conversation with her and bounce ideas around. I hope she finds what she’s looking for out there.
Meanwhile; I’m throwing my gear in the car, heading towards De Tour, setting up camp, and I’m gonna brainstorm. Mostly about my first architectural feat (engineering a custom cottage for that land) but also about that book I’m writing about Italy, or my next solo exhibition I’m designing.
I can’t wait to tell you about it.
Pypeline.
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